Dancing With The Dragon
Getting over the fear of speaking, avoiding finish lines & finding inspiration: Newsletter Edition 13
Hey friends,
It’s been amazing how the past few weeks have turned out really well — grateful for the wholesome conversations in and outside the workplace.
I feel different these days. I’ve been opening up more, and I’m really enjoying that.
Sharing a small win recently — was speaking at a company event awhile back, and that went pretty well.
For someone who struggles a lot with public speaking, who used to get loads of anxiety and mind-blank moment on stage, this was a huge step in the right direction.
Sharing what worked for me this time round, hoping that this can benefit anyone who’s facing the same struggle as I am.
Let’s get to it.
Dancing With The Dragon
Public speaking has always been an area of weakness for me.
Any form of speaking, to be honest.
Yeah, I used to be the kid whose heart would race when I get called upon in class to present my answers. And growing up, that fear of having to speak up in front of any crowd regardless of size still puts my heart in cardio mode.
People say that they get butterflies when it comes to public speaking. Seriously, butterflies? That’s kinda cute, because in comparison I get the whole damn zoo…
The fear of speaking in front of a crowd seems to be the dragon that guards the treasure I seek (to be a better speaker) that I just can’t defeat, even after all these years of trying. And I did try. Going for toastmasters, speaking up during meetings, binging on “Public Speaking Anxiety Tips: 6 Mindset Tips” YouTube videos…I’ve tried it. But no matter how hard I try, every time the spotlight is on me, I always seem to fumble it, which leaves me embarrassed and dejected, especially when I’ve put in effort to get better in this area.
But I guess what makes me dust myself off and climb back up time and again after getting knocked down, is that I want to get over this fear. I have so much that I want to share with the world. So many stories I want to tell, so many insights I want to share. And if getting to this “treasure” I seek means I have to get past the dragon that guards it, then I will find a way to get past it, someway, somehow.
And with my recent speaking experience, I might just have found a way.
Dance, Don’t Fight
Fear is a fire.
It can be burn down all the defences you put up, so don’t bother with that.
The more you dose it, the more it rages.
But fires can be useful when you know how to use them.
Fear can be a source of energy.
Your source of energy.
I used to run from this fear, find ways to repress it, but the more I tried to tame it, the more it won’t go away - perhaps this stems from the fact that the more you give thought to it, the more it takes over and occupies your headspace, eventually becoming the monster that you’re so afraid of.
What I’ve learnt from my latest experience is that if you’re to get over this fear of public speaking, the old adage still holds true:
The only way is through.
If you can reframe your mindset to see the anxious feeling you have when you’re speaking as a source of energy that you can tap into, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that you’ll have a lot of energy that you’ve left untapped all this while, which you can help you deliver your speech.
It’s all about your mindset and the way you view this fear.
It’s all about perspective.
Where you stand is what you see.
Dance with the dragon. Don’t slay it.
Feel the rapid heartbeat and shallow breaths, but don’t see it as fear.
Reframe this feeling.
See it as energy, and transform it into excitement for delivering your message.
Breathe.
You’re alright.
Feel the energy spread throughout your body, flooding every cell, and use it — to speak in a more animated way, to speak with more passion.
So yeah, it’s all about the reframing. Using the fire as your fuel instead of letting it run ablaze.
Biggest takeaway from my latest experience: You stop giving power to your fears when you stop trying to tame them.
Dance with the dragon.
Don’t slay it (you can’t, anyways).
Other Speaking Tips I found Useful
Here are some other tips I’ve came across over the years which have helped me in one way or another, enjoy:
It all starts with how you see yourself. For me, one of my greatest struggles is that I used to label myself as an introvert. The MBTI convinced me that being an INFJ meant I’m this quiet dude who’d find it hard to speak up in public or command a crowd. That’s why I’ve learnt to detach myself from any sort of label, for labels rarely do us any good. Seeing myself as an introvert limited myself so much, and put me in the wrong mindset before I even attempted any speaking opportunity. A piece of advice from a mentor which really helped unlock the door I was locking myself out from: “You’re not an introvert; there just happens to be times where you’re more introverted in nature, but not always.” Huge difference. The first step for me was hence to change the way I viewed myself, to steer clear of any sort of self-limiting thoughts I had of myself. And it was a huge game changer, not just for public speaking, but in my day to day interactions with others. Would definitely highly recommend reassessing how you view and talk to yourself, for self talk and self image goes a long way to influence our lives.
What kind of persona & style do you want to portray? When you have a clear vision of what kind of speaker you want to be in mind, it makes it easier as you have a target to shoot against. Having a list of speakers you admire and whose style you want to copy and adapt helps too.
Have fun. This goes for anything you’re trying to get better at honestly. Make it fun, to make it easier. Whether you’re speaking at a friend’s wedding or workplace event, there are always opportunities to have fun when you’re speaking. Sprinkle a few interesting stories throughout your speech. Sneak in a few jokes. There’s always a way.
Speak about something you’re passionate about. It makes it easier to have a better experience when you’re speaking of something you’re passionate about, talking about subjects you enjoy. Of course this isn’t always the case, especially in more formal events and settings, but especially when you’re starting out on your speaking journey, it helps to choose your speaking engagements, to put up your hands for the ones where you’re going to share about something you enjoy.
Consistency is key. Keep working on your craft. Going for toastmasters for a year really helped me in my speaking journey. I was making good progress back then, managed to deliver a few good speeches. I thought I had permanently gotten over my fear of speaking. And then for various reasons, I stopped going. And I thought that I’d still had it. To my nasty surprise, that fear was still lingering. It will always be there. And to get over it means to keep working on my craft. So — stay consistent, grab every opportunity you can to speak up, big or small. Don’t stop getting better.
Visualize the audience. This trick helped me quite a bit. Part of my fear of speaking stems from the fear of judgement by others. How would they react during my speech? How would their facial expressions be? Because I was so not used to the stage settings, I’d freak out when I’m speaking in the past when I get blank stares from the audience. I’d think that they’re getting bored or that they’re judging me, when it’s pretty normal to get blank stares honestly — of course there’ll be supportive nods as well, which you should be focusing on, but expect blank stares too (it’s the RBF honestly haha, don’t blame them). Visualizing the crowd’s reactions in my mind’s eye as part of my preparation helps me to set my expectations during my speech itself, so that I can mentally prepare myself for what to expect when I’m speaking.
Today’s Recommendations
A Quote From Me:
“Avoid the finish line for as long as you can, because what’s the fun in ending this magnificent journey?”
It’s the thrill of the chase that makes it enjoyable.
The setbacks.
The frustration.
The long boring hours.
They’re all part of this beautiful game.
May you be blessed with obstacles and detours so that you can find and create more of yourself.
May you never arrive, so that you can keep playing.
Chase on forever, stay in pursuit, my friends.
2 Quotes From Others:
“Dreamers make the best drivers, always. They are not afraid of unknown routes, they do not complain about the bumps in the road, and they like the feel of the machine roaring down the dark highways. They seldom if ever get lost because wherever they find themselves is part of what they were seeking.” — James Bowden
“I came from painting. And a painter has none of those worries. A painter paints a painting. No one comes in and says, ‘You’ve got to change that blue.’ It’s a joke to think that a film is going to mean anything if somebody else fiddles with it. If they give you the right to make the film, they owe you the right to make it the way you think it should be… The filmmaker decides on every single element, every single word, every single sound, every single thing going down that highway through time. Otherwise, it won’t hold together. When there’s even a little hint of pressure coming from some place else…like deadlines or going over budget…this affects the film. You just want support, support, support…in a perfect world…so that you can really get the thing to be correct. Now, this doesn’t happen these days. So…you dive within and experience the self…pure consciousness…it’s the home of all the laws of nature. You get more in tune with those and…nature starts supporting you. So you have that feeling, even if they’re breathing down your neck, and there’s pressure here and pressure there, it doesn’t matter…inside. I say, ‘Every day is like a Saturday morning.’ You got a great feeling, and it grows and grows and grows. Then it becomes more like a game. Even when they come by…maybe to tell you for the twentieth time that you’ve gone over budget, you welcome them, and you love them, and you have a coffee with them. And they start relaxing. We’re supposed to all get along and we’re supposed to all have so much fun…just happy, our tails just wagging. It’s supposed to be great living, it’s supposed to be fantastic.” — David Lynch
A Question To Ponder:
What good shall I do this day?
Taken from the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin.
Small or big, there’s always space for a good deed each day. There’s always a way to make someone’s day better.
Extra Dessert Serving:
Capping off this newsletter with an inspiration board that I’ve compiled.
If you know me well, I’m a HUGE fan of quotes. Am forever fascinated by how chunks of words, when arranged together in the right way, can go a long way to inspire people.
Quotes and ideas are where I get a lot of my inspiration from, and I love collecting them. I usually try my best to take down anything that I really enjoy reading as soon as I get the chance to, since like what Naval said,
“Inspiration is perishable, act on it immediately.”
Sharing my archive/library/swipe file of quotes and good stuff with all with you here. I update this regularly, so keep a lookout (suggestions are more than welcome).
Enjoy.
That’s it folks, excited to say that I have quite a bit more interesting insights to share over the next few newsletters, so make sure to keep a lookout.
If you found today’s edition useful/enjoyed it, all I ask is for you to share this with a friend and subscribe, doing so definitely keeps me going.
Till next time, friends.
Stay well & stay after it,
Chris